To My Sons
I’m blessed to have two sons graduating this year, from high school and college. I’ve been thinking about what to gift them to acknowledge their accomplishment. What I hadn’t realized is how much of an accomplishment it truly is for Black males to go to college and graduate. According to the Postsecondary National Policy Institute, in 2018, only 23% of Black males ages 25 to 29 had a bachelor’s degree. There’s also a gender difference. Fewer Black males enroll in and graduate from college compared to Black females. (1,2,3)
After reviewing the data, I’m even more impressed with my sons. As a mother, I don’t remember ever thinking to myself, “I want my sons to beat the odds.” I hoped and prayed that they would grow up to be kind, loving, intelligent and compassionate young men. But the world can change your thoughts and beliefs. As they grew older, my thoughts were still optimistic but also tarnished by fear and anger. The fear that they would be seen as threats or underestimated. The anger that arose when a school system did nothing to address the concerns my sons shared about racist incidences in school. At times my fear and anger were turned towards my children in pushing them to be better than other kids, to prove to their teachers and other parents that they weren’t stereotypes. There were times that my fear and anger came out as yelling at them for not completing their homework or being upset that they weren’t working hard enough, not enrolling in more AP classes, or pursuing an interest in science and technology. The fears and anger made me forget about who my sons were as individuals and instead, pushed me to have them be and behave as someone else. But, I finally realized the toll that my fears and anger were having on them.
The news and media portrayals of Black men can twist your mind and sense of reality. It can call into question all the beliefs you have about who and what you are, if you let it. There’s a fatigue that comes from story after story of Black and Brown youth being diminished and marginalized. It feels like it’s done on purpose; a purpose that is not meant to uplift and change the system, but done at the expense of families and children that are marginalized. The purpose is to capitalize off their hurt and pain. If that isn’t the true intent, then why don’t more stories exist about the triumphs and accomplishments of Black and Brown youth? The default is to fall back to distorted images of Black and Brown youth, especially Black males.(4)
There is an intentionality in the portrayal of Black males which seeks to manipulate the minds of viewers and readers. It’s insidious, infectious and pervasive. It invades the mind, soul and spirit. It enters and blurs our vision of reality. I’m not saying that the news stories of the violence by and against Black and Brown youth aren’t real but they are stinted. There are other stories of glory and triumph everyday of Black and Brown youth making a difference in their communities and families. Each and every day, I see this reality in my own sons.
My oldest son plans to become a psychologist working with children and teens. My youngest son plans to become a physical therapist. To say that I’m proud of them doesn’t quite capture my feelings. So, I go back to my initial thought for this essay. What can I give them to acknowledge their accomplishments and achievements? I realize that I can give them material things, but that’s not quite enough. What I can give them will never be enough compared to what they have given and taught me.
I’m proud of my sons. They are not just my children, but my teachers and inspiration. They challenged me to see them as individuals. They helped me to overcome my fears and anger. They helped make me a better person, servant, citizen, mother, and pediatrician.
To my sons,
I see you. I believe in you. I love you. You make the world a better place because of who you are. I’m in awe of the young men that you have become. I learn everyday from you. May you have a life of curiosity, love, happiness, joy, challenges, peace and creativity.
References:
Indicator 23: Postsecondary Graduation Rates. (2019, February). Retrieved May 17, 2020, from https://nces.ed.gov/programs/raceindicators/indicator_red.asp
Factsheets Men of Color. (2020, January 26). Retrieved May 17, 2020, from https://pnpi.org/men-of-color/
McBride, L., & McBride, L. (2017, June 26). Lisa McBride. Retrieved May 17, 2020, from https://www.insightintodiversity.com/changing-the-narrative-for-men-of-color-in-higher-education
Media Representations and Impact on the Lives of Black Men and Boys. (2011, October). Retrieved from https://www.racialequitytools.org/resourcefiles/Media-Impact-onLives-of-Black-Men-and-Boys-OppAgenda.pdf