The Paths We Create

Today, I saw a patch of dirt where people had created their own pathway to reach the place where I stopped off for lunch. Seeing the path made me reflect on how often as a parent raising Black children, I’ve had to create my own path.

In medical school and my pediatric residency, I learned about child development, taking care of illnesses, dealing with fevers and ear pains but not anything about how to raise my Black child or to help other parents of color raise their kids when the concerns weren’t easily remedied with medications. In many instances, I forged a way out of my own childhood experiences, asking myself how would my parents handle this situation, instinct or phone a friend.

There are countless examples of my not knowing exactly what parenting decision to make. I anxiously second guessed my decisions and prayed that I made the right choices. Some of those hard choices were choosing a place to live knowing that my kids would be one of a handful of kids of color in the neighborhood and school or how hard I pushed their academics knowing that I wanted them to have all options available in spite of a world that often times felt unfair and unjust. But through it all, I moved forward. I found a way even when there was no clear line of vision.

How many of us do this or question it? I hadn’t until today when I saw a well worn path. What intrigued me the most was knowing that there was a cement walkway only a few feet away. This was a metaphor for me about the idea that in our lives, we often find it easier or essential to create our own paths despite the other options, the so called “well paved”, of arriving at our destination.

Parenting is a “well paved” option but for those of us parenting kids of color, we’ve had to create our own paths. Paths that provide comfort and familiarity. Paths that were well worn by others before us.