Dealing with Racial Trauma
As I watched The Underground Railroad, I felt a feeling of sadness, shame and a heaviness in my chest. Tears welled up in my eyes. I wanted to watch the adaptation of Colson Whitehead’s novel but the more I watched, something within me told me to stop. I felt ready to watch this movie, but my body was telling me that I was not.
This month marks the one year anniversary of George Floyd's death and is also Mental Health Awareness Month. I think about how the media will cover it. Will we yet again bear witness to his murder? Within the first forty minutes of watching The Underground Railroad, I witnessed the abuse and murder of Black bodies. It was as if my body remembered how it felt watching George Floyd or the exhibit of Emmet Till at the National Museum of African American History. Our bodies can give us clues to what we may not be yet ready to say. I’m glad that I listened to my body. Over time I’ve become more aware of my feelings, my body’s clues, instincts and triggers for my anxiety.
I wanted to explore a topic that has affected me and many others but isn’t talked about very much. The topic is racial trauma or race-based traumatic stress (RBTS). Racial Trauma “refers to the mental and emotional injury caused by encounters with racial bias and ethnic discrimination, racism, and hate crimes.”
There are various triggers of racial trauma that can be direct or vicarious
Personal experiences of racism
Media depictions of racism such as videos of police violence against racial and ethnic groups
Direct or indirect exposures to racism
Stereotypical depictions of racial and ethnic groups
Racial Trauma is Stressful
Racial trauma is a type of stress, and it affects our bodies both physically and psychologically.
Symptoms of racial trauma include chronic stress, depression, low self-esteem and chronic disease such as hypertension and cardiovascular disease.
Viewing The Underground Railroad triggered me and I had to listen to my body and turn it off. Learning about Racial Trauma helped me put a name to what I’d been feeling and carrying these past years. Last year was a storm of emotions and at times I felt conflicted because as much as I wanted to protest and speak out, I was weighed down by my feelings. The same feelings that were evoked by watching the series.
I had to find ways to cope with my stress and anxiety. I had to make choices to help me deal with my feelings such as getting help, turning down opportunities and stepping down from leadership roles. At first, I felt guilty making those choices but soon learned that I had to preserve my health and wellbeing. It’s hard to pour from a glass that is empty.
I admit that I’ve been struggling this past year. Crying episodes that seemed to come out of nowhere. There were so many more posts I wanted to write and share or thoughts I wanted to share but when I started to write or speak, the discomfort came back and I couldn’t find the strength or the words.
Over the last year, there have been those that try to dismiss the impact of racism. When our leaders say that racism isn’t real or to just get over it, it makes me angry. It’s wrong and speaks to the dismissing of other’s experiences. This mindset seeks to make invisible what it doesn’t want to confront or reckon with. It seeks to ignore the historical and generational trauma and the experiences of people of color. It’s gaslighting. Racism impacts people directly and those that are bystanders. We must acknowledge that racism exists and work to eliminate it. We must also understand that it affects our health both physically and psychologically.
Today, I feel stronger. I’m sitting at my desk writing. I’m not ashamed to tell you how I’ve been feeling. I’ve used some of the following coping strategies to help me:
Talking to friends and family
Talking about my feelings
Engaging in activities that help fight against racial injustice
Avoiding triggers
Limiting exposure to news and media
Doing thing that bring me joy, like taking a walk, binge watching Hallmark movies
Resting: sleeping, saying no
Practicing Mindfulness
There is much work to be done to address systemic racism but it is harder to do if I don’t preserve my wellbeing. I realize that I’m not alone. As a mom and pediatrician, I also recognize the opportunity that I have for modeling for my children. I don’t want them to feel alone. I don’t want them to believe that their feelings don’t matter. They are seen.
For those that may be feeling similarly, you’re not alone. There are ways to help you cope and if needed, seek professional health.
Resources
Mental Health America-Racial Trauma
University of Minnesota Educators Toolkit to Addressing Racial Trauma
American Psychological Association: We Must Unmute
Racial Trauma is a Public Health Emergency
Finding a therapist
-Therapy for Black Girls: Finding A Therapist
-SAMHSA’s National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
-Mental Health During COVID-19: Signs Your Child May Need More Support